It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize