Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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