I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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