It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
