9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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