So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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