Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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