the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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