I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
