I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Life is so much better after having sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
