Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize