in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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