I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize