If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
