turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
