just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
