Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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