She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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