it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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