i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
