Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
