whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
