new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Randomize
