I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
