i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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