consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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