So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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