some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
