you have to choose: penises or morals?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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