my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
