just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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