I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
