hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
