I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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