the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
