she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
