i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
