If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
