Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
