I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
