Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
