Im at strip club and am horny
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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