She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
