Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
