mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
