What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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