It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
