that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
