My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
