This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Less talking, more tequila
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
