I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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