College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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