I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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