NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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