I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize