yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
