i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
