i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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