He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
