i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
