i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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