How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
