Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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