I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize