people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
