I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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