in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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