My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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